HELPFUL HINT

Since most people wash their fruits and vegetables before eating them,

wash them with a mixture of 3 tablespoons white vinegar to a quart of

water. This will remove any trace of pesticides.

-:~:-()-:~:-()-:~:-()-:~:-()-:~:-()-:~:-()-:~:-()-:~:-()-:~:-()-

A newly appointed young preacher was contacted by the local funeral

director to hold a graveside committal service at a small country cemetery

in Iowa.

There was to be no funeral, just the committal, because the deceased had no

family or friends left in Iowa. The young pastor started early to the cemetery,

but soon lost his way.

After making several wrong turns, he finally arrived a half-hour late. The

hearse was no where in sight, and the workmen were relaxing under a nearby

tree, eating their lunch. The pastor went to the open grave and found that the

vault lid was already in place. He took out his book and read the service.

As he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say:

"Maybe we'd better tell him it's a septic tank."

~::*::~)(~::*::~)(~::*::~)(~::*::~)(~::*::~)(~::*::~)(~::*::~)(~::*::~

BIZARRE:
Fabien Pretou, standing at 6ft, 2 inches tall, towered over his 3ft, 1 inch bride Natalie Lucius at their 1990 wedding in Seysinnet-Pariset, France.

Harry Stevens, 103, married his 84-year-old cousin, Thelma Lucas, at a Wisconsin retirement home in 1984.

In 1871, Captain Martin van Buren Bates married Anna Hanen Swan in London. She was 7ft 5 1/2 inches tall and he stood at 7ft 2 1/2 inches.

When Ruth and Kevin Kimber married in 1990, she was 93 and he was 28.

In 1863, American dwarf Charles S. Stratton married Lavinia Warren. He was 2ft, 10in tall and she was 2ft 8 in. In 1884, the widowed Lavinia married Count Primo Magri who was two inches shorter than her first husband.

In 1995, following a courtship that lasted several months, 100-year-old Samuel Bukoro married 12-year-old Nyamihanda in Uganda.

In 1994, 26-year-old Anna Nicole Smith tied the knot with 89-year-old millionaire J. Howard Marshall. She was attracted by his "kindness."
===============================

I was having some difficulty finding a parking space while visiting
my sister and noted that the parking in front of the hospital
building was designated "Visitors' Parking." but couldn't help but
notice, as I entered, that it was apparent that almost all of these
spaces were being snapped up by the employees.

When I left several hours later, most of the spaces were now empty
with the exception of a few that had a note under the wind shield
wiper. Being curious as to the mass exodus and freeing up of
parking space, I took a peek at one of the notes that was placed on
the offenders' cars.

It said, "This space is reserved for visitors. If you wish to BE a
visitor, continue parking here!"
===========================================

The first time I met my wife, she was an intense
aerobics instructor at my health club, and I was an
out-of-shape new member. After a grueling workout, I
gasped, "This is really getting me toned up."

She looked me up and down. Feeling self-conscious, I
added, "Big men run in my family."

Raising an eyebrow, she said, "Apparently, not
enough."
=========================================

HINT 1

What can I do about ants?

You can sprinkle talcum powder along the ants entry-
ways. Ants will not cross the line. Not only is
talcum powder harmless to children and pets, it
deodorizes your home and can be vacuumed up when you
no longer need it.

HINT 2

Earwigs:

To deter these creepy little insects, crush bay leaves
along baseboards and along window and door sills.
===========================================

Here's a Thought for the Day:

Men are always whining about how women are suffocating them. Personally,
I think if you can still hear them whining, you're not pushing down hard
enough with the pillow.
Hallmark's Maxine
===========================================

A man by the name of Tates invents the very first compass.

It was a very significant achievement, but alas, it proved
not to be too reliable and many people who relied on it had
to have a search party rescue them.

It did however, cause a saying which is very much in use today .....
He who has a Tates is lost.
===========================================

A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his
doctor one day.

"Doc, there's something wrong with me. Every time
I stand in a baby's high chair and face southwest, and
then touch my tongue to a piece of aluminum foil that's
wrapped around an acorn, I get a strange tingle in my
big toe. Can you tell me what the problem is?"

"Sure!" The doctor said. "You have way too much time
on your hands!"
==========================================

HINT 1

Cleaning ceramic tile:

Regular rubbing alcohol works fantastic for a ceramic
floor. Just pour straight on and rub around with mop
until it drys. Make sure children are not in the area
during this process and make sure the room is well
ventilated.

HINT 2

New white canvas shoes will stay that way if you
spray them heavily with starch
===============================================

I was talking to someone the other day about thier home town of Piney
Flats, here in Tennessee. They said, " The town's built on a one-way
street. It's so small, that if you pass it by mistake, you have to go
clear around the world to get back to it again. "

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